As an HR professional who’s spent most of my career as a business partner and generalist, I’ve always had a personal goal: work myself out of a job. Not because I don’t like working—but because in a perfect world, if leaders were honest, consistent, transparent, and genuinely cared, we wouldn’t need so many policies. We might not even need HR for anything beyond benefits and payroll.
But people are, well, people. They’re messy. I’m messy. And that’s why HR still has job security, especially in employee relations.What always amazes me is how often employees would rather build a relationship with HR than with their own direct leader. I constantly get, “Can I tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone?” And I’d joke, “You can tell me anything—but I’m not a priest. I can tell everyone.”
The truth? HR may advocate for employees, but we work for the company’s best interests. The most effective path forward is when leaders and employees build a strong, functional relationship without needing a translator or mediator.
Leadership at work is often overcomplicated. So, I like to bring it back to something many of us understand: parenting. No parent treats all their kids exactly the same. Every child needs different things. So why do so many leaders insist on a one-size-fits-all approach with employees?
If you couldn’t fire anyone, what would you do differently? Would you keep ignoring the tough conversations and avoid the "problem employee?” Or would you roll up your sleeves, connect, and find what motivates them to improve?
No one’s firing their kids for being difficult. Instead, you dig in. You adapt. You care.
Great leadership is about caring personally—especially when things get real. Every person is different. Some want the spotlight. Others want quiet acknowledgment. Many just want to know they’re seen. Helping someone integrate their work and life in a way that feels human? That’s one of the most motivating things a leader can offer.
I realized this about myself early on. In high school, I hit a last second game-winning basketball shot. The crowd rushed the court. My teammates celebrated in the center. But I slipped off to the locker room alone. Proud but overwhelmed. I wasn’t made for center stage, and that’s okay. We’re all wired differently. Motivating people starts with understanding how they tick.
Long before I ever sat in an HR chair, I learned about motivation as a cart boy at a local golf course. I worked for tips, and success came from knowing people. One golfer? He loved to bet on every hole each Sunday. If he was winning at the turn, you stood ready at 18 to wipe off his clubs while he finished putting—tip secured. If he was losing? Don’t even bother.
Later, waiting tables, I learned even more. In restaurants, it’s a high-speed, low-margin negotiation every night. You earn trust quickly, adapt fast, read the room, and recover when things go sideways—all in pursuit of a generous tip. And when you fail? Your wallet knows.
These early jobs taught me that motivation is personal. Feedback is personal. Recognition is personal. And if you don’t know what someone cares about, you’re just guessing.
The book The Effective Manager outlines a simple but powerful trio: Coaching, Feedback, and 1-on-1s. And I live by it.
Feedback should be fact-based, simple, and (when possible) include how it made you feel. People can debate facts, but not your feelings, and that makes it more human.
Also, word choice matters. Say I “always” do something? You’ve already lost me. I don’t always do anything. “Always” and “never” close minds instead of opening them. Use words that invite dialogue, not defensiveness.
And here’s an underrated feedback tip: ask first. “Would you like some feedback?” It gives the person ownership. It builds connection. After all, feedback is only a gift if the person wants it.
Coaching is different—it’s forward-looking and development-focused. It's about opportunity, not correction. Too many leaders confuse feedback with coaching, and performance ratings with potential. Don’t be that leader.
Then there’s the 1-on-1—one of the most powerful tools in a leader’s toolkit. It’s not for status updates or tactical check-ins. It’s for real conversations. I keep it simple:
Where are you winning?
Where are your opportunities?
How can I help?
What’s going on in your world personally or professionally?
It’s the employee’s time, not yours. I once told someone that if their manager doesn’t hold 1-on-1s, they should put it on the calendar themselves. Leaders prioritize what their people care about—if their people are loud enough about it.
The book Rejection Proof taught me a powerful lesson: everything we build up in our heads about how someone will respond is made up. It’s our own internal drama. You don’t know how someone will take feedback until you give it. Stop guessing. Start talking.
Motivation is the art of influence. It’s not always about money or titles—it’s about purpose, recognition, growth, and respect. The key? Everyone’s different.
Recognition can be a quiet nod or a public shoutout—but get it wrong, and you risk demotivating rather than inspiring. Know your people. Know their "big red boat."
That’s what I call the thing that keeps them showing up. In Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss calls it the Black Swan—critical information that shapes how someone behaves. Whether you’re negotiating with a hostage-taker, a union steward, or your six-year-old over bedtime, knowing what matters most to someone is the difference between success and failure.
And you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure it out. Ask questions. Mirror what they say. Then listen, really.
Working in labor relations has taught me more about motivation than any leadership book. During one union campaign, I worked with a persuader named Chuck. He was obsessed with knowing the "why" behind each employee’s leanings.
If a supervisor said, “I think they’ll vote no,” Chuck would ask:
Are they married?
Do they have kids?
Is their dad in the union?
What’s their political affiliation?
If the supervisor couldn’t answer, we assumed a “yes” vote, because clearly, there was no real relationship.
In desperate moments, we’d pull the emergency lever: fire the toxic leader everyone hated. And while it bought us time, it never fixed the culture. A year later, the issues came back—because firing one bad apple doesn’t rebuild trust. Relationship gaps don’t close on their own, it’s about true intention.
Some of the best union progress I’ve made didn’t happen at the table, but over beers in a union leader’s garage. Trust is built, not given. And nothing motivates like mutual respect.
Radical Candor by Kim Scott delivered one of my favorite lessons: the CEO in her story was frustrated about her lost work time because employees kept sharing personal victories and struggles during the workday. Her coach stopped her and said, “That is your job.”
Caring isn’t a distraction from your role as a leader—it is your role.
I’ve been there too. Overwhelmed, burned out, convinced the company would collapse without me. A mentor once reminded me, “You’re not that important.” Not as an insult, but as a release. The company will replace you. But what will stick is how you made people feel. Did you lead with empathy? Did you motivate your team? Did you focus on what really mattered?
The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) has been around since the '60s. It identifies 43 life events that cause stress, 11 of which are work-related. And when those stressors pile up, the risk of a stress-related health event skyrockets.
You can’t control everything your people are facing. But you can approach them with empathy and support. Behind every productive shift is a real human being with a real life.
Daniel Pink’s Drive nails it. Motivation used to be about carrot and stick: reward or punishment. But Motivation 3.0 is about:
Mastery – Let me be great at what I do.
Autonomy – Trust me to do it.
Purpose – Let me connect to something bigger.
I don’t want to be micromanaged. I want to create. I want to go home and tell my family about the meaningful work I did today. As Seth Godin says in Linchpin, we should be doing art—not just work. Give your gifts without expectation of return.
And guess what? The rewards still come, especially when your people are motivated, fulfilled, and growing.
Motivating employees isn’t a complicated algorithm. It’s about relationships, curiosity, empathy, and action. Ask what matters to your people. Listen more than you speak. Give feedback like a human, not a script. Build trust before you need it. Coach for growth, not just performance. And remember, leadership isn’t about being the hero—it’s about helping your team win the game.
Motivation doesn’t come from foosball tables or pizza parties. It comes from connection. And connection is always your job. If you care about what drives your people, they’ll drive results. It really is that simple.
Delek is proud to be certified by HRCI. To learn more about HRCI organizational certifications based on ISO standards and to certify your company too, visit business.hrci.org.
Michael “Keith” Cutter is the Vice President of Talent Strategy at Delek US Holdings Inc., a downstream energy company. A licensed attorney in Texas, Keith has over 15 years of experience in human resources and labor relations. Passionate about culture and leadership, Keith has led strategic initiatives in talent management, diversity, and organizational development, primarily in the oil and gas industry.